Why I dislike yoga

Bleh! I loath yoga.

Loath

Absolutely cannot stand it.

There is a good reason for this. To fully comprehend my reasoning, you must first understand something about me. I thoroughly believe in the golden rule and if I am not treated like I would expect to be treated, for example bad customer service, then I will refuse to give that establishment any of my business nor will I have anything to do with them.

I have boycotted Pinkberry’s because they turned me away their opening weekend in Denver- but had the gall to ask me for coupons right after (I worked at Nike at the time).

I had an awful experience with American Furniture Warehouse, when I attempted to buy a dining table set and was told I couldn’t load the items I just bought into my car because it wasn’t a truck or SUV. Then it was suggested that we rent a truck from them- which we later found out, they weren’t renting trucks that day because it snowed a little.

Some people might say I hold grudges. I say I am worthy of being treated fairly when I spend money; that is how I treated people when I worked in customer service.

Anyway, one time I went with a co-worker and classmate (same person) to do yoga at the studio she always went to. Mercedes (her real name) was interested in the hippie lifestyle- she ate super healthy organic everything, she rock climbed daily and she had been to places in Asia that exposed her to their religions and way of life – as you can tell, my definition of hippie is pretty all-encompassing. Well she persuaded me to try yoga with her.

We met at the studio and I thought, ok this is cool and not weird at all. The room was big, we all laid out our towels or mats and began to do the poses. I had told the instructor that is was my first time and she said this particular class was for slightly advanced yoga practitioners but she would help me out and adapt what she said, so I could have an enjoyable experience. Sounds great right?

We are a little over half way done and she makes us do some poses on our back. There are about 6-7 people in the class and everyone is getting a great workout. We do some pose where we bring our legs, bent, up to our chest when the woman next to me lets out a vagina fart.

A queef. Air exploded from her vagina.

Not once. Multiple times. Loudly.

What is the right reaction when a stranger lets out a vagina fart in the middle of yoga? Why, you laugh hysterically!

I had tears running my face, my whole body was shaking with laughter. I looked to Mercedes, to see if she was cracking up like me but she was not. She was all yoga-focus. I looked around the room, to see if anyone was laughing. A few people were chuckling but no one was laughing like me. I turned to the instructor and BOOM- I was hit with a face like thunder.

She was not laughing. She was pissed. At me.

She asked me to leave the room and not to return until I composed myself. I didn’t think she was serious but she was. So I got up, got my stuff and waited for Mercedes outside.

After the class was over and Mercedes came out, she started laughing. I apologized because I didn’t want to make her look bad but I could not hold in my laughter. She said no worries; apparently this woman expels a lot of gas throughout class and everyone thinks its funny but no one laughs or does anything about it. I was the first to laugh in her face.

The instructor, upon leaving, told me I should reconsider yoga and since she’s the expert, I have always believed her. Plus it’s embarrassing to get kicked out of a yoga class.

So I’ve stayed away from yoga since then. This one bad experience just ended my yoga career and now Julie (fattymustrun.wordpress.com) says we have to do 20 minutes a day throughout the month of September. It’s going to be a long month but I’m going to try hard.

And at least if I laugh, I won’t be kicked out of class.

What are your thoughts on yoga? Have you ever been kicked out of a class? Have you ever laughed so hard at something so stupid?

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6 thoughts on “Why I dislike yoga

  1. To be fair, while I would have laughed also, I think she asked you to step out for the very reason you mention. Her clients have a right to a quality class free of distractions. She asked you to step out until you composed yourself, she didn’t tell you to leave. Big difference.

    Personally though I hate yoga. Only attended one class for beginners. The teacher ran us through the poses and acted like we should ask know them already. I am not a fan of being talked down to for not knowing something I said I didn’t know! I do understand holding a grudge!

    • I agree with being asked to leave and compose myself; I had a problem with how she said it, like I’m some idiot who can’t control the urge to laugh. Part of the problem was that I was younger when this happened, thought I was the big cheese and didn’t like when people disrespected me. I’m mature now (sometimes) but this situation left a lasting impression on me.

      Glad I’m not alone in how I make my decisions 🙂

  2. That is hilarious!! I would have died laughing, I’m sure. I know Yoga is supposed to be ‘relaxing’ and get you ‘in the zone’…but I like to talk/laugh and if I can’t do that, that activity is not for me. 🙂

  3. Great post. thats the kind of thing I would do. In fact I did a similar thing at a bootcamp but in Tai Chi. I have done a few yoga classes and have found them a bit hit an miss. I am more inclined to enjoy the classes where the instructor just walks me through the moves, I can’t stand having someone tell me what to think and feel ie “let your body relax and your mind go free, find yourself in your happy place….” crap, its not for me.

    I am doing Yoga at home for this challenge, I have downloaded an app, I have a couple of DVDs and my WiiFit

    Try and stick with it…and try not to laugh!!! In fact I think you have just scuppered my yoga plans cos now everytime I try to concentrate I’m gonna be thinking of fanny farts!!!

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